An expert has warned the new dating trend ‘turbodating’ could make you an easy target for love bombing – and shares the signs to spot the manipulation tactic.
Turbodating is sidestepping the small talk stage and asking the nitty gritty questions from the off to avoid “time wasters”.
Relationship and divorce coach Vanessa White, 53, sees the benefits of the trend but fears it could mask a manipulation tactic called ‘love-bombing’, where a date will smother you in love so that they can create emotional dependence to control you.
She said daters should watch out for people saying they are their soulmate, or that they love you and want to marry you in the first few weeks of dating.
Vanessa, from Cirencester, Gloucestershire, said: “Turbo dating makes sense. It’s for someone who is fed up of dating and wants to find out quickly if that person is your person.
“It is all fine and well asking if they like tea or coffee, but if you’re wanting to have marriage and kids and they don’t – it doesn’t matter that they’re a nice person or not – you know you’re not compatible.
“It stops the time wasters, and lets you actually become properly intimate with that person quite fast into meeting them.
“The worry is, there is such a fine line between turbo dating and love bombing, and it means that love bombing becomes tonnes easier.
“Love bombing is where someone completely smothers you – we are talking about the first week or so of dating – telling you you’re their soul mate, that they love you and want to marry you when they’ve only met you once.
“The difference here is that love bombing is about intensity, and turbo dating is about intimacy. This is hard to tell the difference between.”
Vanessa says that the fine line between the two can be distinguished by one simple tip to tell the difference.
“If you want to turbo date, but you are worried they are love bombing you – the best thing you can do is ask to slow down,” she said.
“You don’t necessarily need to actually go ahead with that request, but by just asking, their reaction will show you it all.
“If they agree and let you have space, you are in a healthy relationship in that respect, but if you ask for a step back and they get angry, that is them feeling like they’re loosing control.
“The ones that get angry like that are the ones that are love bombing you. They don’t want to loose that emotional dependency that they are trying to set you up with. They want to keep controlling you.”
Other tips include looking into the things they say, and how fast they try and jump into a relationship.
Vanessa added: “You can also analyse their language; if they are just making these huge declarations of love, and it isn’t important questions that can help you understand each other, then they could just be trying to manipulate you.
“Another key sign is wanting to jump into a relationship too quickly. It might feel slightly intense in an uncomfortable way, but you are so happy with how in love they are with you that you end up saying yes.
“This is just another tactic to love bomb you into getting what they want, as control is what they are trying to gain, and they would feel more in control if you were their partner.
“A lot of people feel an intense feeling of fireworks and connection when they’re being love bombed but – that intensity does not mean intimacy.
“Turbo dating gives a chance to build that intimacy, but it should never be intense.
“Turbo dating is healthy when its centred around finding out about that person on a deep level and that’s the big difference .”
Follow Vanessa on Instagram @vanessawhitecoach
